The love in his eyes
by LovingNerdLife
Summary: Over the years, Ron Weasley has developed the habit of staring at Hermione Granger while she reads. While doing so, he reflects on how it came to be, without being aware that someone has noticed what he's doing.


He was staring at her. Again. It had become quite a habit lately. He wasn't sure when it started. To be honest, he couldn't remember a time in his life at Hogwarts when staring at Hermione Granger while she was reading wasn't appealing to him.

During their first year, those stares had a mix of amazement and annoyance. Amazement because "how can she read so much?" and annoyance because "how CAN she read so much?"

During second year, it was pure admiration. He just couldn't believe how smart and strong she was. She got wonderful grades and came up with great ideas while putting up with Malfoy's insults, Harry's problems and (why not admit it) his constant teasing. He also, however, felt very confused because of her crush on Lockhart. What did she see in him? He was clearly an idiot. Did she just like him because he was (apparently) good looking? And if that was the reason, wasn't it weird that someone as smart as Hermione would focus on looks? He didn't know why it bothered him, but it did.

During third year, it was worry. Granted, he and Hermione spent a big portion of that year fighting (figures), so he refused to look at her reading during the whole Crookshanks/Scabbers incident. When the whole thing cleared out, however, worried was how he felt when he was having his daily glance at his friend. Hermione was constantly exhausted and stressed (the latter even more than usual) and her schedule was ridiculous. She had always been an over-achiever, but now her calendar literally showed two classes at the same time. Yes, worry was definitely what he felt while he stared at her reading with her tired and beautiful eyes.

But then she would surprise him. She would punch Malfoy in the face or say a witty comeback. She would be as strong as ever, and he would think that he was stupid for worrying about her because she didn't need his help to get through. She would get through on her own because she was freaking Hermione Granger.

Fourth year was a rollercoaster. The first weeks of school he didn't know what he was feeling. He only knew that he couldn't help but smile every time she frowned or smiled or laugh at something she read, because he just loved seeing her be herself. Of course, he couldn't bear thinking about what that meant on a deeper level, so he just created excuses like "Well, how can I not look at her? She's literally reading on the couch across me. And it's not like I'm staring at her. I only look at her once in a while to know if she's still here. And we're the only two people here so I really don't have anywhere else to look at. And I'm not actually looking at her, okay? It's just in passing. I don't even know what she's reading! And no, the reason why I don't know that has nothing to do with me staring at her. And I'm not staring at her!" Eventually, he would get so worked up about it that he would have to stand up, mutter a goodbye and leave as soon as possible, going anywhere else so he wouldn't have to think about his best friend anymore.

A few weeks later, it would be jealousy. He just couldn't understand how she did it. But, then again, it wouldn't be that hard for her. Why would she be pissed at Harry for, yet again, being in the spotlight if she was just like him or maybe even better? She didn't have to compete with Harry. She didn't have to be Harry's shadow. So of course she wasn't jealous of him. Because she didn't have anything to be jealous of. But he did. He had a lot to be jealous of. Because Harry was so much better than him at everything that he did. Harry got good grades, was funny, brave and just a bloody good person! It shouldn't be a surprise that he got all the attention from everyone at school and even his best friend's family. Yes, he was jealous of Harry. And now he was also jealous of Hermione. Because both were too great, too perfect. And he was just... him. Harry Potter and Hermione Granger's stupid friend.

As time passed, though, he stared at her with another type of jealousy. He wasn't jealous of her this time. He was jealous of the prick that was at her side. And the worse part was that he couldn't help but notice that said prick was looking at her in the same way that _he_ was looking at her, and that made him feel like a complete idiot. He had also stared at her at the yule ball. That was new for him because he never stared at her other than when she was reading. It's not like he didn't look at her, but he always tried to keep the time that those looks lasted to a minimum, taking real liberty only when she was so endorsed in what she was doing that she wouldn't notice him being a total moron over her. This time was different, though. He was staring at her like his life depended on it, and he didn't care if she or anybody else saw. It didn't even matter, because pretty much everybody else was also staring at her. Everybody else had noticed what he had known for a while: Hermione Granger was beautiful. Staring at her that night was painful, but he couldn't bring himself to look away. She was too beautiful, and she was with someone else. He decided that he wasn't going to say anything about it. He wasn't going to let her know that he cared. Because he didn't care. The reason why he was mad was because she was with Harry's competition. She was betraying Harry... or so he told himself. He so wasn't going to say a word to her about the subject because he didn't... oh, fuck it.

And then they were yelling. They had been good at arguing with each other since the first day they met, but this was going to a whole new level. And then she said something about him asking her out in the first place or some nonsense. What the bloody hell did that have to do with anything? That night he stayed until 4 a.m looking at the ceiling, not knowing what on earth he had gotten himself into.

After that night, he just stared at her with sadness. Sadness because of course she would like someone like Viktor Krum. Or maybe even someone like Harry. He didn't really believe it when he read on the Daily Prophet that Harry and Hermione where an item, because even though him and Harry weren't talking at the moment, Hermione would've told him, right? They were friends after all. No, he didn't believe what Rita Skeeter wrote on the newspaper, but that sure as hell made more sense than Hermione liking him. Who would like him? He wasn't smart, wasn't handsome and he wasn't even likeable. Nobody would like him, and especially not Hermione. She could do so much better. But, then again, who cared if she liked him? Certainly not him. It's not like he liked her or anything. And even if he did (which he didn't) she wouldn't like him back. So there was no point. He told this to himself over and over again... and yet he couldn't stop that weight on his chest from being there, making him feel sad and useless and just…sad.

So there he was. Ron Weasley. Staring at Hermione Granger. Again. And now he was feeling... he had no idea what he was feeling. He was feeling a mixture of all of the things that he had felt on previous years: amazement because she was beautiful, and annoyance because she was too beautiful. Admiration because she was beautiful, and worry because she was too beautiful. And jealousy and sadness and everything and nothing because she was too goddamn beautiful. Beautiful in every way, inside an out. Beautiful in the way she laughed and in the way she blushed and in the way she told him he was an idiot. And hell yeah, he was. He was an idiot. He was the biggest idiot on the planet. Because he, Ronald Weasley, had a crush on Hermione Granger. Yeah, he admitted it. What was the point of denying it anymore? It's not like it helped the feelings go away. As far as he knew, it only helped them get stronger. And he was an idiot for it. Because this shouldn't be happening. He shouldn't feel this way about his best friend, but he did. So he decided that, just for a couple of minutes, he would stop beating himself up for it and he would enjoy her beauty as she read with her back resting on that tree across the school yard. He was almost in the same position, the only difference being that he was miles away from her and that he wasn't paying attention to any book, but at something (or someone) much more interesting. There he was. Staring at her with a small but sincere smile on his face, sighing and, every once in a while, making sure that there wasn't any drool coming out of his mouth (which had never happened before, okay? Okay?). He was staring at the beauty of the girl that had been his friend for five years now when he heard a sweet, melodious voice at his side.

"Hello, Ron"

It was Luna Lovegood. He had met her at the beginning of this year, about a month ago. They hadn't really talked that much, but she was very interesting to him. She always seemed to be in her own world. A happy world. She also didn't seem to give a crap about what anybody thought of her, and he admired that very much. He didn't know how she did it, but he admired it. Hermione got frustrated with her sometimes, because she couldn't understand her belief in creatures who had not been proven to exist. Ron, on the other hand, thought that Luna's faith in such things was remarkable. He sometimes wished that he could be just a tad more like her. To sum it up, he thought Luna Lovegood was pretty cool.

"Oh... hey, Luna! I'm sorry; I didn't notice you were here."

"That's alright." She was sitting only a few feet away from him, looking dreamily at the sky while she talked.

"How long have you been here for?" Ron asked. He couldn't believe that he hadn't notice her until now.

"Only about ten minutes," she responded. She then looked at him and, with a smile, added, "But, really, don't worry about it. I've been looking at the sky for a while. It's a beautiful day. Besides, I didn't want to distract you while you were staring at her."

Ron felt a lump in his throat "S-staring at who?" he asked, unable to stop his voice from quivering.

"At Hermione, of course." Luna blinked twice, looking quite confused. "Isn't that what you sit here doing every afternoon?"

"I... not every afternoon."

Luna just looked at him blankly.

'Nice one, Ron. Real smooth,' he thought. God, he was such an idiot.

"Ron" Luna said, kindly but firmly. "I can see the love in your eyes when you look at her. It's a beautiful thing, really. You shouldn't be ashamed."

Ron felt his ears burn before asking, "Am I... am I really that obvious?" He must have been. Even the girl he had known for only a month and that was always in the clouds had noticed. What if Hermione had noticed? She probably thought he was ridiculous and laughed, but decided to not say anything about it because she felt pity towards him.

"Yes," Luna responded, not unkindly. "To me, at least. I guess some of your friends know as well... but don't worry, she doesn't know." She said this last thing in a reassuring tone and with a smile on her face.

Before Ron could respond, she started to stand up, "Anyway, I got to go now, Ron. It was nice talking to you."

"Luna, wait!" he couldn't help but say in a rush.

"Yes, Ron?" Luna said, turning around to look at him.

"Why do you think that she doesn't know about... my feelings for her?" It was weird to say it out loud, but he needed to know.

At that question, Luna smiled a smile that showed all of her teeth and Ron thought for a moment that she could light up the entire world. She looked at him like he was an adorable little kid before responding.

"Because she's too busy staring at you when you're not looking."

And with that, she turned around and left, skipping through the yard and leaving Ron with a look of complete and utter confusion on his face.


End file.
